“What do you wanna be when you grow up?”

Otherwise known as the worst question for the perpetual student.

All its variations suck too. Yes, I’m talking about you: “What field are you gonna go into when you’re done?” or “What position would you like to have?” Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve been a student so long that I can’t even see myself outside of being a student.

“What if my whole personality is just being student?”

It’s a conversation that I have often with the people around me. They often assure me that if my whole personality was school then I would have no friends. I’m a fun-loving anime lover that is a big kid at heart. I know how to go out and have fun with my friends. I do watch a lot of different shows. I’m a Marvel stan. But sometimes it just feels like I can’t see myself outside this role and even outside of academia.

So no. I don’t know what I’m gonna be when I get done with school in a year. I’m sure what I’m supposed to do will come in time. I’m just worried about whether I’ll like it when I get there.

Will I feel fulfilled?

Where is all of this coming from? I went to a Humanities @ Work conference at the University of Pittsburgh last week. This made everything a bit more real for me. I really need to start looking for a job. If I want something in academia, then I need to apply starting this summer. I really don’t want an academic job but I also don’t want to minimize my chances at finding a job for the short term. I want to go into tech but come to find out at the conference, almost no tech companies are hiring right now except for menial internships. I also don’t want to move for personal reasons.

I want to scream.

What if I can’t find a job? I’ve been in school for almost over 20 years now. All this school…for what? It’s just looking very bleak for your girl. But I’m trying to stay optimistic and focus on what lies ahead directly.

On a lighter and less existentialist note, there is a lot of power in saying that you are proud of where you are and in awe of where you can go. You must speak life into yourself, your dreams, and your opportunities.

My first recent brush with this is establishing this platform for myself to look at but also others to celebrate with me whether they are on their own journeys to their degrees or otherwise.