Dr. Lexy Year 1

Well it has certainly been a very long time since we have had a chat…This one will be a long one.

So many things have happened in a year since I defended my dissertation that it makes my head spin. Let me take you on a year-long journey and it should be cathartic to me but maybe there are also some nuggets of wisdom in there that you can take from this.

Picture this…G17 March 21, 2024, in the Cathedral of Learning at Pitt

My heart was racing. Will I remember all the research? Will I stay on time? Does my outfit look cool and professional? Do I have any typos in my script? Will I remember all of my well-planned jokes? Do I want to record the presentation or not? Is everyone I wanted in the audience?

So many questions and anxieties were raging within me. I took a breath and took another. 45 minutes was over so fast, and to be honest, the knowledge was just flowing. I did have to rush through the last 10-12 slides, including some of my second study. I felt bad about that, but I didn’t let it phase me as I went through the Q&A session. I’m glad my community was there to take some videos because I forgot everything that I said after it was over.

Then an agonizing 15-minute deliberation period occurred. Everyone was trying to tell me how great my presentation was. They were trying to talk me out of negative feedback loops about how I stuttered on certain parts or took too long on others. My community was essential. Then my dissertation chair came through the door and everyone stopped.

Congratulations, Dr. Alexus Brown. You have passed your defense.

I was stunned before it hit me. I did it? It’s done (barring edits on the paper)? I can start the process of putting this part behind me?? I did a Ric Flair “Woo” and jumped around when it fully hit. If you can tell by my smile…I was ecstatic:

I had about a month of “relaxation” before reality hit. I had no employment on the horizon…

My anxieties returned, and so did my depression. It was still an endless loop of application, waiting, and rejection. My last check came on April 30th from my PhD program, and on May 1st, I was officially unemployed and unable to receive assistance because of my tax status. Y’all, I couldn’t even get food stamps or Medicaid for MONTHS. It got to the point where I even had to halt therapy. It was bleak for a long time and on May 8th. I reached my breaking point.

I had a meeting with a potential employer and just broke down.

Was I completely embarrassed? Absolutely. Could I help it? Absolutely not. Everyone always tells you how unprofessional it is to cry in front of superiors, especially potential bosses, but a question came across that just broke me. In so many words, the question was, Where was the leadership? Where was the support? Sway, I did not have the answers. I don’t know where they were. I begged and pleaded for help, and sadly, the best most could offer me was good luck. Thankfully, this conversation led to me getting a part-time job over the summer.

I was now a PT Research Assistant.

Things were starting to look up, but I was still making choices out of anxiety. I went from no jobs to about 5 in the Fall. I taught 2 in-person classes for one institution, 1 online class for another institution, and two part-time positions as a freelance consultant and a temp research assistant. Girl, was I busy and burnt out. I was earning more money than I ever had. I didn’t have worries about my rent or bills. Everything was paid for, and I could treat myself and save money. But the stability still wasn’t there. After the fall semester, I still didn’t have a stable income. I knew I could teach the online class but without the 2 in-person classes, I wouldn’t make ends meet. So what was I going to do? The last position I applied to and was waiting for gave me a rejection letter as well.

I took the biggest leap I could. I advocated for myself.

I knew there were only two jobs that I actually liked and saw growth and some stability with. That was the temp job as a research assistant and the online course. Turns out I loved assisting on research projects and could advocate for my transferrable skills. And I do love teaching the history of Hip Hop. So, I crafted a plan to still remain an adjunct professor teaching the history of hip-hop, but I also wanted to leverage my wonderful performance for my temp job into a full-time position. I was so scared to ask, but in the end, I went to my bosses and said, “I would like to keep working here. How can we make that happen in a full capacity?” For the first time, everything fell into place how it needed to.

Now, I’m a Senior Social Scientist for a work place where I don’t have to be anyone but myself, and I’m valued and celebrated for it.

To this day, I still love teaching and will continue to do so for as long as they want me. I’m starting to believe in myself more and adjust to the workload of a full-time job in this political administration. It’s been a hard time, but I’m so blessed to have the work. But more importantly, I’m getting paid to do exactly what I want to do right now, and I love it.

So you might ask how does it feel to be Dr. Alexus Brown now that we are one year out? In short, ✨ phenomenal ✨

I went from not knowing when my next paycheck was coming to being on the cover of a magazine. From stressing over completing my then, magnum opus, to being included in research projects I wouldn’t have imagined. From feeling like I had to defend what I do, to being trusted to do the work. Here’s 3 things I learned on this journey so far:
✅ take the leap, trust in your abilities 
✅ never settle, always get out of it what you’re worth
✅ have faith, it will all work out

The world is conspiring for me to get out of life exactly what I need. I just need to continue to have the courage to dream.

Now it’s time to retire, Journey to My Ph.D., and shift into a new blog series called Lexicon & Legacy. I hope you’ll join me. Be well.